my memory is good, but short
I’m going to start keeping track of documentaries to avoid.
Fearmongering and other misinformation
Grain of salt
TLDR: chased us out, dishonest; Guest Relations unhelpful
From the top, let’s go!
On 5/2/21, my dad called the motel and requested a room for 4 adults with pets, check-in 7/23 check-out 7/26. He was emailed a confirmation letter.
On 7/23/21, I called to say our itinerary changed to 2 nights and we’d be arriving late in the evening.
We arrived. My parents checked in together (this is a significant detail). The man checking us in claimed that we’d booked for 1, but my dad showed him the confirmation. This was our first time speaking to him; both times we’d called, the staff sounded like women. Still, we thought the person who booked us would have noted down that we had pets, so we thought we were good to go.
While my mom and my sister went in first to sanitize the room, the man from check-in came storming over to our car. My dad got out and the man launched into a loud, like, proclamation of his honesty? before re-insisting that we’d booked for 1, not 4, additionally claiming he’d planned to let it go to be nice (?? which was news to us) but he’d asked my dad 3 times about pets (at no point during check-in did the man say anything to indicate that he was unaware we had pets) and all 3 times my dad said no, which was impossible because, again, the man never asked if we had pets or made any comment that would suggest that he had not been made aware that we had pets.
To point out the obvious before going any further on the timeline, first, why would both parents check in together if we meant to pretend to be only 1 guest? Second, although there wasn’t a comment field on our 2021 confirmation, we have a 2019 confirmation from a Medford Motel 6 stating in a comment field explicitly that we’d declared our pets; why would we tell Medford in 2019 that we had pets but not tell Brookings in 2021? This was the second time ever that we’d experienced complications with checking in at a hotel since one overbooked us (which was also a Motel 6, I’ll note).
The man told us to leave in 10 min and he’d give our money back, or he’d call the police. My dad tried to ask what our options were, but he kept interrupting and repeating his threat like a broken record. My dad pleaded that we had nowhere else to go but the man didn’t care. My dad got angry and said we’d complain, which was also no use.
Instead of processing us in the office, he hovered around our car repeating his demands and yelling at us not to block another car, which had just arrived to take our spot. We were so frazzled, we didn’t realize ‘til later that we still had the room key cards. He didn’t even let us handle this formally at the office so we could confirm that our money would be returned.
At one point, my dad stopped the car to ask the man’s name. “I am the manager!” My dad repeated his question in return, but he started shouting, “I am the manager! My name is manager!” over and over again.
It’s common practice for a hotel to help you find another place, which clearly, they didn’t. As a result of his actions, we were stranded in Oregon with barely enough signal to call corporate and emergency services for help. Without success: corporate passed us around for a bit before finally concluding that we’d have to wait to call Guest Relations the next business day. The dispatcher similarly told us they couldn’t handle civil issues ‘til morning. The next morning, an officer called only to repeat that they couldn’t handle civil issues at all, adding that the owners, surname Patel, were nice people who helped the women’s shelter. If true, 1) it doesn’t make up for his abusive behavior towards us and 2) it makes it all the more manipulative that this guy did the whole blowhard act to try to hide his name, and the philanthropist act to impress local law enforcement. (But thanks to the cop’s hint + the internet, I’m 90% certain he’s Prashant Jayantilal Patel, so at least we obtained that.)
Every pet-friendly hotel was full. We ended up at a rest area that allowed 4-hour parking, brushed our teeth in the public restroom which is mortifying in a pandemic to say the least, and slept fitfully for a few hours in the car.
Fortunately, for our second night, we found a campground with a vacancy. We purchased camping equipment.
Oh, and the motel’s charges and refunds weren’t explained at all so we spent way too much time trying to figure out where a $143.77 charge came from and whether it would be returned. It was all very strange.
After the fact, we found that a number of other reviews had reported similar experiences. Mysterious changes in booking dates, charges, pet-unfriendliness…
After we returned home, my sister called corporate to confirm if we’d be refunded (didn’t know yet at that time because they take a week to show up) and to complain about the manager. Guest Relations informed my sister that the manager claimed we tried to sneak in 6 people and pets. Funny how it jumped from 4 to 6. Anyway, Corporate basically only listened to the manager’s story and decided we weren’t owed any apologies or further action??
All in all, an appalling experience. We will never use Motel 6 again.
Do I think people should be outed to employers to be fired when they get caught spewing racism? Yes.
Do I think they belong to the streets? No. I’m okay with them just suffering from the inconvenience of having to start over and find a new job (and also the stress of being mobbed by angry DMs).
Do I think that’s all they deserve? No, but imagine all the extra hatred they have time for when they’re unemployed.
(I realize this doesn’t really address the solution any more than self-defense prevents rapers but the real solution—people adopting anti-racist moral codes—is nearly impossible, and punishment often backfires and further entrenches the root problem.)
I’d like to talk a bit about reactive dogs. And about dog etiquette in general.
First off, this is by no means a criticism of any individual. I think the only people who have a certain level of understanding of dog etiquette are people who are living that reactive dog owner life, and only some of them at that, so there’s no expectation for you to know things or even remember everything I’m about to share.
I’m going to split this post in separate sections for general information for all people and then the other section for people who own reactive dogs.
Please always ask for consent before approaching a dog even if it looks friendly. This goes especially for service animals but it’s a good practice to apply it to all dogs because you never know. A lot of conventional “common sense” about interpreting dog behavior and moods is not quite right. For example, the speed and direction of a wagging tail can indicate whether a dog is happy, nervous (think of how humans laugh when they’re nervous!), or aggressive. Some owners are trying to teach their dog a specific greeting protocol, or maybe their dog is unpredictable when you cross their space bubble, so please get the handler’s consent.
If you see a dog handler make an abrupt U-turn and walk away from you or pull their dog across the street, they probably have a reactive dog. Of course you don’t have to change your route but it is super helpful and much appreciated if you turn around and go the opposite direction as well. If you can’t, please try to give them a wide berth.
Please don’t encourage dogs to jump on you or say, “oh no, it’s OK, I don’t mind, I’m dog-friendly.” You might not be afraid of dogs but someone else probably is, and the dog will not necessarily know to behave differently towards someone who is dog-averse. True, the other person probably has a smell of fear that you don’t have, but dogs, especially the excited ones, won’t always treat them differently. A generally good thing to do is to take a step back and turn to the side until the dog has stopped jumping.
Bonus: when visiting someone else’s house, if their dogs try to jump you at the door, please turn away and ignore them until they are calmer. This can be quite an inconvenience, unfortunately, but the more people that do this, the sooner these investments in the dog’s behavior pay off.
Conversely, don’t try to help train the dog unless you’re following directions from the handler. Don’t knee the dog in the chest or something.
If the handler says it’s okay, allow the dog to approach you instead of getting into their space. If they’re a bit shy, hold out your hand for them to come sniff. If they’re not so shy, they’re probably going to try to sniff your crotch area, please try to understand that this is considered polite behavior for a dog. Which isn’t to say that jumping is an impolite or dominant behavior—I heard from somewhere on the internet that a study found that dogs are aware that humans are different from dogs (which is why we generally don’t train dogs by mimicking dog behavior)—we just don’t want to encourage the dog to do things that can be scary for other people.
I almost forgot one more thing: don’t stare at dogs. With the exception of their own household members, dogs usually do not like being stared at.
First, it’s really rough (no pun intended) to care for a reactive dog, especially when the dog is over 40 pounds. We do get sympathetic looks but we also get eyed nervously, sometimes dirty looks, or judgmental or critical comments (comments probably mostly online but it still stings, right?), and shame can be a big stressor. These are also the hardest dogs to rehome. Kudos to you for not giving up on your dog, it takes a lot of love. Your emotional health is just as important as your dog’s emotions. Your serenity and stability can make a marked difference in your dog’s behavior. Some trainers will even ask their classes to do meditative exercises with their dogs.
Second, IT IS JUST AS IMPORTANT TO MANAGE SMALL DOGS as large dogs. The only difference between them is that one is more socially tolerable for other humans. The reactive small dog is having big emotions of fear and panic or rage just as much as the reactive large dog. I think we all want our dogs to be happy and have a good sense of what is normal and okay, not triggered by everyday things. Can you imagine what it’d be like to be uncontrollably explosive every time you saw another person, but you had to see other people regularly and you couldn’t go to therapy to develop coping skills? That’s a pretty miserable existence. The more you allow your dog to react, the more its stress and reactivity is reinforced. A calm dog is a happy dog.
Please try to avoid situations where there is a high probability of a trigger. For me, if I could keep my husky at home, I would, but, well, he’s a husky. If you have to go for walks, which I do so I fully sympathize, try to find a time or area when there are fewer triggers, or when your dog is in a better mood. Try to get an idea of your dog’s reactivity distance (does the trigger have to be a soccer field away, a block away, on the other side of the street, 20 ft?). If you see a trigger, do a U-turn if you can. If you can’t (e.g. there are triggers coming from both sides or because you need to make it home by a certain time), try to get through as quick as you can. If your dog is reacting to another person or their dog, especially if they’re also changing directions or crossing the street to try to get their reactive dog away from yours, please don’t follow them. Even if they’re between you and home, unless it’s urgent please at least stop and wait for the other person to get out of range.
There are other things you can try to make it through situations. You can distract your dog and give them something to do, which could be sit/down exercises, tricks, some handlers train their dogs to put their feet up on something on command which gets the dog to turn away from the street and towards a non-triggering building or object . Small dogs can be picked up (unless the dog hates being picked up, then don’t). Allowing your dog to sniff around can help calm your dog, and you can encourage this by sprinkling food in nearby grass. These may or may not work for your dog, everyone’s different. Generally they do favor dogs that are reactive out of fear and not dogs like mine who want to chase everything that moves (oddly enough he was fine and friendly when another husky snuck up on him when she was off leash—I’ve only had him a few months so I’m still figuring out what his issue is, I guess).
More advanced tools include desensitization, mat training, building new associations with triggers (e.g. Look At That training), and pattern games. My primary resource is Control Unleashed: The Puppy Program but there are video tutorials available here and there online that you can also look into. One really important thing to know with this as with any other behavior modification is that progress is not linear and temporary regression is normal. Consistency is important but so is forgiving yourself for mistakes and bad days. These are things that I’m either still working on or haven’t started teaching to my dog yet, but that can hopefully someday replace the need to U-turn, drive to different areas, or wake up early for your dog walks.
Hopefully my post has been somewhat educational or otherwise helpful for creating a more positive public environment for everyone.
Actions mean more than words, actions say more than words, but they’re not actually louder than words, ’cause when it comes to the listeners, the actual words will win out, every time.
Well, except when it comes to kids. They’ll internalize all your hypocrisies and apply them in the most frustrating ways.
is that native americans were descended from asians.
a memoir
and if you open them, you can actually smell your arteries clogging, crazy
so my brain thought it was a good time to put “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas” on loop.
Please send help.
Even if you try to stop an asshole from doing asshole things, they’re just going to do asshole things to someone else later. They’re not going to stop being an asshole just because you prevented them from assholing one time.
Context: Refer to the diagram below.
Red had been tailgating me while I was trying to make my exit and I had a feeling they were gonna try to leapfrog me. I tried to follow the other car in but Red sped up more aggressively than I was willing to try to block, and they squeezed me out.
I think when I was trying to get into the lane before Red, there was a desire to almost punish them by not letting them get what they want, and I felt frustrated when I failed to block them. It felt unjust, as if Red got rewarded for leveling up in assholery to cut me off. I started to think that I should have been more aggressive.
But then I asked myself if punishing Red for being an asshole would really change anything, and I realized that it wouldn’t have. They would drive off just as much of an asshole as they were before, and the only change might be that I might become more aggressive as a driver to other people, and maybe eventually turn into a real asshole myself.
Short on Cache 