Other person’s failed relationships

One of my facebook friends seems to have difficulty with relationships. I mean, I’m sure a lot of people do, but I’ve never seen one for going through guys like she does. She dated one of my classmates for a time, and they broke up within the school year. Even though he didn’t show it because he’s a laid-back guy, he said that he was struggling emotionally because of the breakup. Then she was with a few other guys who were kind of acquaintances of mine. I mean, not at the same time, but sometimes breaking up and then getting back together again with the same guy, sometimes starting with a different guy. Her latest boyfriend was the first I’ve never met, so I haven’t even seen them hang out together, but if her other relationships were anything to go by, it probably was the same deal. Hanging out a lot, some kind of drama behind the scenes, and then breaking up again.

I don’t understand what she’s talking about when she says he hurt her even though she gave up her friends for him, but I commented that real friends are still there whether she thinks she gave them up or not. It seems that he left a bunch of comments after I did, saying that she was unfair and that she hurt him.

It’s really none of my business, but when I see drama, I want to know why it happens and how it could have been avoided. I understand that relationships don’t always work out. What piques my curiosity is how someone does all this drama. Even though I’m a decently dramatic person, I generally minimize drama in my own life.

How do you go through a dozen heartbreaks in a row and not see that something needs to change? Maybe I wouldn’t understand because I’ve never dated anyone. I think, though, if I were in her position (in some bizarre alternate universe), I’d try to figure out what was wrong and try to break the pattern. There are always relationships that don’t work, but even though the broken conclusion hurts, in those cases, usually one or both parties realize it’s neither’s fault. If both parties are going at it like, “You hurt me,” I think that relationship has loose ends that haven’t been properly tied off. Someone screwed something up.

OK, so I’m not qualified to analyze someone else’s emotions and whatnot.

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Chem midterm tomorrow

I had trouble focusing on studying because I aced my Calc test way beyond my expectations.  From now on, I really need to buckle down.

I’M SCREWED.  Well, I’ll probably scrape an OK grade, but I need to do the extra credit, now that… yeah…

Sheltered—not really a good thing

Is there anything as awkward as saying something dirty and not realizing it until your friend looks at you funny? I’m pretty sheltered, I know.  Sometimes it’s a good thing.  Sometimes, it’s… uh… not.

First story!

Once during middle school, I was chatting online with a friend who was a couple years older than I was.  He called his older brother a… how did he spell it? “doosh”?

Being a bookworm, I noted the odd spelling, extrapolated the correct spelling somehow (I probably saw it somewhere before), and corrected him.

“You mean ‘douche’?”
“LOL”
“What?”  I had the dreadful thought that it had a sexual connotation I didn’t know about.
“Do you even know what that means?”
“No, I just guessed ’cause your spelling looked weird.”  He changed the subject.

In retrospect, what transpired was quite possibly much worse than I thought because he later mentioned that the older brother had access to his computer and was quite capable of pretending to be him.  Fantastic.

Second story!

Another time (also during middle school), I was riding the bus home.  This time, I was with a girl two years my senior.
The student-run bus line had advertisements posted on the ceiling.  At the time, it had a colorful ad screaming, “Which color is your personality?” or something to that effect.  Underneath, it had pictures of colored spheres saying things like, “Pink: I’m easygoing,” or something in that vein.  There was also a block of text that I interpreted as stating, “Stop by the Student Health & Wellness Center during orientation to pick up a free condominium (while supplies last).”

I thought, “Wow, why would a Student Health Center offer free condominiums?  Do new students just move in for free?”   I thought the funny colored circles were photos of uncovered buckets of wall paint.  I imagined college freshmen lined up at the desk of a clinic getting assigned condominiums and getting handed a couple buckets of paint in the colors they chose.  I supposed that they would then go repaint their new residences.

I nudged my friend and gestured at the ad. “Which color do you think you are?”
She snorted and stared at me incredulously.
“Do you know what that ad’s for?”
“Free c… condominiums?”  I faltered. Suddenly the thought struck me that condos with an extra m might not be quite the same thing as condos without an extra m.
“You don’t know what condoms are?”
“I… guess not.  What are they, then?”
“…”

I Failed

I CAN’T BELIEVE I MADE STUPID MISTAKES.

  1. Taylor polynomial, 4th order, f(x)=sin(2x), x=π/4
    f(π/4)+f'(π/4)(x-π/4)/1!+f”(π/4)[(x-π/4)^2]/2!+f”'(π/4)[(x-π/4)^3]/3!+f””(x-π/4)[(x-π/4)^4]/4!
    I definitely forgot (x-π/4).  Too many Maclaurin series screwed me up.
    I probably forgot to do the factorials on the bottom.  ARGH
    1+0-2[(x-π/4)^2]-0+2[(x-π/4)^4]/3
  2. Estimate ∫e^(x^2) from x=0 to x=2, using estimate from Taylor polynomial (6th order) of e^(x^2).  Hint: e^x=∑(x^n)/(n!) (starting from n=0 but if you’re doing C calculus, you’ll take this for granted)
    e^(x^2)=∑(x^2n)/(n!)
    1+x^2+(x^4)/2+(x^6)/6
    I didn’t realize that using the shortcut (plugging x^2 into x from the Hint) meant that I didn’t have to go to 7 terms (not shown here) but just to 4.  However, doing more doesn’t affect the score because the answer would then be more accurate than the problem was asking me to be.
    [x+(x^3)/3+(x^5)/10+(x^7)/42] from x=0 to x=2
    I was doing it right until the 2nd-to-last step: integration.  I don’t know why I didn’t integrate, but that was a poop.
    2+8/3+16/5+64/21

Learn from my mistakes.

Stuff that happened

So today I had to meet up with this one guy. I knew him from high school and I’m friends with his sister. But. I always panic when I see him. I can’t explain it, but I can describe it. My pulse doubles like I’m playing Tag (I freak out because I really want to survive but I know how low my chances are). I start to shake and I can’t write properly. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO PUT MY HANDS WITHOUT FEELING STIFFLY AWKWARD. It’s like I’m scared of him.

For my friend’s report, I had to talk to him for at least 30 minutes (I think it ended up being almost an hour) as normally as possible. This was somewhat difficult to begin because we basically have never talked in real life since he graduated high school. Yeah. Despite the fact that his younger sister is my friend, despite the fact that his mom loves me (in his own words, “My mom thinks you’re really pretty”), I never talk to him.

It ended up not being too bad of a talk. Though I did hear some of his stories (including a notably blackmail quality story about somebody who once humiliated me until I cried), most of the time was me telling my stories because once I start yapping, I don’t stop. These days, I’m especially bad because of all the sales-pitch-type-talking I’ve had to do as a volunteer recently. I also loosened up (but I didn’t completely relax until he left) since he’s one of the people who tease me shamelessly. I have the unfortunate gift of being extremely fun to tease.

When we were in high school, my mom decided that normal backpacks caused back problems and made me drag a rolling LL Bean backpack in classic elementary school dork style. I got used to it as well as the occasional friendly kick aimed at the poor backpack, but I did grimace at him when he impishly asked, “Is that your ride home?” I don’t actually feel offended and evenly inwardly laugh when stuff like that happens. I just play up the grumpiness for others’ amusement.

Thanks to my physiological symptoms, denial is simply not an option. I have to admit that it’s most likely attraction. It’s something that’s very difficult for me to come to terms with but self-diagnosis is a part of having a self-aware personality. At the same time, even though that happens (you know, the shaking and panicking), I’m going to suppress it and dismiss it because he has a girlfriend. I’d be a real annoying, interfering bitch to even consider the notion of trying to resolve my attraction, which is just an involuntary physiological thing. Furthermore, I think people should have their shit together before they get somebody else involved, and I don’t. Yada yada ya.