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Daisy Coleman

2013/10/18

Most people want to have fun, whatever that means. Sometimes, they think it means drinking alcohol. This is clearly incorrect but who would believe otherwise when surrounded by people who do buy into the hype? It’s not her fault. She was a stupid teenager; we’ve all been there. Why else would people bicker about what minors should or shouldn’t be allowed to do and how much they should be held accountable for? Lots of minors sneak out all the time without raping or getting raped.

I’m not saying that she doesn’t have any responsibility for getting into that situation. She could have listened to her family and kept a friendly distance from that boy. She could have chosen not to sneak out. That’s all true but don’t you think that she’s had those thoughts over and over and over and over again? Don’t you think that maybe, just maybe, she has been tortured enough? [←sarcasm here] Apparently, that boy’s allies don’t think so. Who in their right mind would burn somebody’s house down?

These people are even validating that boy’s actions in his mind. He seems to think that he did her a big favor by “giving her the D”. I can’t begin to comprehend the hazing if I don’t first assume that they don’t have even one tenth of an iota of a clue what they’re doing.

When we talk about rape culture, the mindset that justifies rape, we shouldn’t simply state that rape shouldn’t happen and leave it at that. We need to acknowledge that it will happen as it has happened for much of history. It’s like driving. There’s a big difference between legal driving and defensive driving. Should we be able to assume that everyone else will drive properly? Yes. Will they? No. Trying to convince everyone in the world that 1) they should not rape and 2) they should not blame the victim is really impractical. Does that mean we shouldn’t teach people around us? No, we should still try. But instead of engaging in open war between those who say Down with rape culture and those who say Down with short shorts, we should be focusing on teaching everyone that 1) rape is not OK and 2) that even if you can reel off a laundry list of the victims’ choices that beyond reasonable doubt could have prevented the crime, THE CRIMINAL IS STILL AT FAULT. Actually, if the criminals fully realize that they did wrong and that they deserve punishment, that’s really for their own good as well.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. anonymous permalink
    2013/10/20 18:18

    There is obviously no easy solution to solve this “problem” (or “culture” as you say), but what exactly are you trying to say? I don’t see how your “suggestions” can solve this problem at all.

    • ʃ.ɑ.k permalink*
      2013/10/20 18:34

      There is *no* solution. It is *only* possible to *try*. I don’t make suggestions to be arrogant, like, “This will solve the problem,” but to say, “Make an effort, even if it’s futile.”

      I don’t know if there was confusion on this but when I wrote my suggestions, I was trying to say that valid statements should be acknowledged and maybe even responded to, to strengthen the main point that the criminal is the real problem. Like, “All y’all who are into that victim blaming thing, we HONESTLY understand why you think that you’re doing the right thing; we’ve just taken it a step further and figured out why what you’re doing is wrong. Therefore, we know that our stance in assigning responsibility to the perpetrator of the crime is right.”

      *The solution that I can think of would probably sound untenable to the majority of the internet community, so I won’t even state it. People who know me well, though, may be able to guess what I’m driving at.

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