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Shock’s uninformed take on Kristen Stewart


I know, right?

I was watching a clip on Youtube that had been shared on Facebook.  Social networking at its best.  Anyway.  This crazy teaser came on (search “snow white huntsman bound” for the one I saw) since YT randomly makes you watch commercials and I was like “WHOA, FANTASY MOVIE!  GRIMM FAIRYTALE ON STEROIDS!” and then I thought, “Wait.  Did I just see Kristen Stewart?”  Yes, I did.

You can imagine my turmoil.  This movie looks to be very good, even though one of the roles (ahem, huntsman) was turned down by several stars.  But Kristen Stewart.  If meme’d up Twilight series screencaps are anything to go by, she acts as if she’s still running around with vampmeyers.  Still, since the casting came down to Dakota Fanning versus Kristen Stewart, I back the latter because I think Fanning would overdo it.  Kill It With Enthusiasm.  Very few action stars have mastered the art of being both hard-hitting and exuberantly emotional.  Also, Fanning is even less pretty than Stewart, who herself looks more Narcissa Malfoy than Andromeda Tonks, and Snow White must be pretty.  I’d try to cast a young Anne Hathaway but we don’t have any time capsules so Stewart will have to do.

Now, I don’t know anything about Stewart.  As I see it, she had the poor luck of getting famous via the franchise of many fangirls rather than a healthier route.  If Stewart had just stayed away from Twilight, kept her nose down, and got more breadth experience (ha! it’s like taking G.E.s in college), she could have built up her abilities before jumping into a big project and she probably could have done a much better job in Snow White than what I’m seeing in the teasers.

That’s not to say that it’s going to be the most terrible acting since Kim Hyun Joong met Boys Over Flowers.  She does come across as too angsty but she’s hanging in there… but she’s hanging in there like Dara’s hanging in 2NE1.  She’s not bad, and if the teasers are accurate she might have some talent for fast action type movies, but look at Charlize Theron (the stepmother witch).  Supposedly, Snow White and the queen are opposite equals.  Now, Theron exudes Evil Queen.  When she starts stewing in fury, she emanates waves of, “MOVE, peon.”  Seductress, self-important, heartless, she’s got it all. If you look at Snow Stewart get pissed after you’ve seen Queen Theron get pissed, Snow seems to emanate waves of, “Tell me where the restroom is!” Theron’s acting pulverizes Stewart’s, anytime, anywhere.

Snow Stewart also shows dangerous signs of Mary Sue syndrome, what with the not-your-orthodox-heroine lines and the whole acknowledgement of supernatural critters thing. I looked at the talking mirror and thought, “I dunno, Snow White surpass the queen? She does seem a bit gutsy but against Ms. I-will-rip-your-heart-out-and-eat-it-after-magically-curb-stomping-your-henchmen-and-sucking-out-all-of-your-energy, she should at least be able to emit spiritual pressure of her own instead of relying on the backing of Mr. What’s-in-it-for-me, several violent midgets, a white hart, and maybe a troll.”

Obviously, Stewart is human like everyone else. Her acting has gotten terribly niched and one-dimensional but that doesn’t mean that she has no potential. I know Twihards would shriek in indignation since Twilight launched her to fame but the rest of us realize that there are a lot of more talented actresses with more star power that didn’t get famous by playing in overrated franchise movies. The sooner Twilight ends, the better for us all, including Kristen Stewart.

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