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Ramblings

2009/02/27

I’ve been feeling rather catty lately.  I catch myself wanting to complain about every little thing.  Why is that?  Why do I see things in such an exaggerated light?  This is the good thing about school.  I walk around looking and feeling half dead, so I don’t exaggerate as much.  Why do I jump to conclusions, that I’m being ignored, that I’m being left out, that I’m being the third wheel?  Why can’t I just be content to be where I am, do what I do, know the people I know to the extent they want me to know them?  Yet there’s this fierce delight in ranting about anything and everything.  When I start yelling, it feels so good—but only to a point.
The last time I started caterwauling, I ended up crying a bit, selfishly I admit, because I was angry that someone refused to agree with me.  I maintain I was in the right, but I wasn’t right to  force my own problems on others.  On the other hand, I think everyone could afford to compromise this isolation—know what I’m talking about?  People seem to think they can be friends with another person without compromising a piece of their selves.  Everyone, myself including, is rather selfish.  If it’s not about me, me, me, there’s no way it’s going to be about you, you, you.  It’s not about you and me anymore.  It’s about the tactful neutral territory.  Do I ever hate that.  I think everyone should just spend a day trampling on each other’s feelings, and then analyze that day: what they did, what was done to them, how they felt, how their fellow man may have felt, and WHAT they plan to do about it.
Feelings are as important as you want them to be.
Being a considerate person may not be the same thing as being a DOORMAT.  It could just be acknowledging the next person.  This is what I want, this is what you want.  You don’t have to agree with someone to understand them, yet it’s hard to truly understand a person and politely disagree, because if you disagree, there’s a possibility you’re still holding out on the other person.

I chortle.  I’m making things too complicated for myself…

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