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M2 hates me

2007/09/21

(What on earth is going on? I got this serious cramp in my right hip after English, and everyone left, and I couldn’t move at all… I panicked for no real reason and was practically hyperventilating from shock… reminding me… During PE, I kept rubbing my right knee into the gym floor to try to hit the stupid low, close shots. Anyway.)

It’s like everything I do is a serious offense.  Even just twirling a ******* pencil.  She swears at me because I just don’t feel it wise to give her my locker combo.  “Why the **** don’t you trust me *** *****” or something like that.  If she thinks that’s going to convince me to give her my combo, she is beyond wrong.  I don’t have anything in there that she’d want, but L6’s using it with me (even though only sometimes), and if M2 has a fit, she might change it.

Every abnormal thing I do is beyond annoying.  Even it’s just something I’m born with, like remembering almost everyone’s names (even people that don’t affect me one way or another).  Or an acquired habit like staring off to nowhere.  Just being around me is depressing.  She hates the way i dress.  She wants me to wear her clothes.  She hates my hair.  She wants me to grow it long.  ****lllllllllllllllll no. I like it short.  It’s cool (to me, ’cause I don’t really care if others think it’s, to quote, “retarded”– but it’s rather annoying when she starts in on me). Actually she calls me retarded a lot. And gay and stuff like that. And that’s her adjective(s) for everything and everyone else, pretty much.

I don’t think i’m depressing, but it’s true that people are surprised at almost everything vaguely normal I do.. When I yelled at Q6, “I’m running, dammit,” during PE in 8th grade: “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you swear before! Pretty good for a first time.”  When I asked finally “Are you like in junior high or what?” aimed at a really sophomoric college-r (I seriously thought he was a ninth grader or something, he was so corny): “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk before!” And if I laugh (helplessly… I was sparring with the head instructor and he pretended to be literally bowled over): “See, she’s smiling, she’s laughing,” “Wait, OMG SHE’S REALLY LAUGHING!”
When I’m with friends, I laugh, I try to entertain, etc. yet I think sometimes even they are surprised when I laugh.

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