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you’re supposed to “love” your little siblings, right?  but no matter how i look at it, deep dow, no matter how i act (for my parents’ sake), i despise hannah.  To me, she’s a simpering little brat that i have to watch.  when i reach a certain age, my parents are washing their hands of her, and i have to live with her.  the prospect seems awful.  when she’s a teenager, i doubt she’ll be anything like me.  we’ll fight like cats and dogs…
the picture in my head has me, the naturally cold, modest girl, and her, a… “normal” american teenager.  i flinch.
she’s so naturally self-centered, yet she has this compulsion to give away things.  she even gives away stuff that other people give her.  worse still, she promises others’ stuff if she doesn’t have it herself.  on the other hand, she steals all the time… not shoplifting (she makes us accidentally pay for them), but snacks from others’ lunchboxes, from their homes, and the like.
i don’t want to seem overblown, but i was never like that.  i was selfish, but i held tight control… even if i saw something i [selfishly] wanted, i tried to not want it… and
ended up getting it as a present from people who caught me looking at
it.  i never stole.  on the other hand, i like giving gifts to friends, but i wouldn’t give things that others give to me.  of course, there’s the trashy gifts (scrap, toy sets), but i’m a sucker for things from my “big sibling figures” (mostly stuffed animals, also cards and stationery).
i despise hannah.  sisters shouldn’t despise each other, but when she gives me something, i want to make it explode.  it means nothing when she’s kind to someone.  in my eyes, she’s wasting resources.  wasting money, wasting paper, and after making a card to give to someone else, she feeds the crayons, pens, and pencils to the dog very carelessly.  really, i care more about the seventh and eighth graders at my school than her.  i sort of wonder if this is normal, but i’m not exactly frantically seeking counsel.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. 2007/04/12 17:35

    ahh, you don’t really mean that, do you? i mean, louisa’s a brat and i bully her all the time, but i still care about her a lot…or maybe i’m wrong. never mind me.

  2. 2007/04/15 21:00

    actually Rebekah by the time she is a teen you will be old enough to have a job, live a life away from parents. you will probably be around with her til she is 10 then bye bye you are off to UCD for masters in Animal Biology or something like that don’t hate her too much just tell your self just 4 more years just 4 more years or something.

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